Where in Hell is Izabal, Guatemala, Anyway?

I stumbled around Central America for almost 20 years, looking for the ultimate Gringo Tropical Paradise. I watched Mexico, then Belize, then Costa Rica be discovered and developed, while I bided my time, knowing the Right Place would finally present itself. I even got to Guatemala several times in the early 1990s, and fell in love with the scenery, the weather, and the people. Those were in the dark days of the Guatemalan Civil War, however, and the exotic-sounding Rio Dulce was an (allegedly) dangerous place for Gringos. That dark period in Guatemala's history finally ended in 1996, and it was years later before I FINALLY decided to go check it out for a day or two. Within 20 minutes of hopping aboard the little boat taking tourists from the town of Rio Dulce into the jungle, I knew I had found my Paradise Lost. I stayed there for a month on my first visit, and I will be returning there for the rest of my life. Here's why:

The spectacular scenery of Izabal -- from Lake Izabal in the West, down the Rio Dulce River and through the jungle canyon, all the way to the oceanfront town of Livingston -- touched some sort of long-dormant "Tarzan nerve" in my weary middle-aged body. The scenery is a mad mixture of water, mountains, jungles, and sky -- sort of like the love child between South Florida and the San Juan Islands. No wonder so many rich yachties hang out there. If you don't mind some hot sun and a little rain now and then, the weather is nothing to complain about, either, particularly in January, when there's a foot of snow in Chicago.

If you have a wee bit of Tarzan in you, you will fall in love with this place, I assure you. (Of course, if you have NO Tarzan in you, you may want to head to the nearest Club Med, which Izabal, Guatemala, clearly is NOT!) As there are no roads into this watery jungle, all access is by boat, be it million-dollar yacht or dug-out canoe. As I write this in February, 2008, the first power lines are being strung in one area (the ex-pat hangout of Cayo Quemado, see property listings), but the vast majority of the 30-mile stretch of river between Rio Dulce and Livingston remains off-the-grid to this day. The local water system is rainwater collection (don't ask about the local septic systems, please, you don't want to know). I imagine it looks quite a bit like Florida must've looked 50 years ago, only with mountains. As seemingly remote as it seems, everyone is yakking on their cell phones, and Livingston and Rio Dulce are always only minutes away if you have a craving for a banana split or a good mojito. Indiana Jones or James Bond would've set up shop here in a heartbeat, for good reason.

To top it off, Izabal, the easternmost state in the country, is conveniently situated on the Caribbean approximately halfway between Belize and Honduras, either one of which is a half-day's boat ride away. (If you need a boat, here is a shameless plug for Guatemala Boat Trips.) If you're tired of saltwater and want to sail, motor or paddle upstream, Guatemala's biggest lake -- the gorgeous and almost completely undeveloped Lake Izabal -- is waiting for you there. It is so uncrowded, in fact, that a lot of Gringos decide to do their sailing au naturel with no concern of being seen by another living soul for hours. I could go on waxing poetic about the place for hours, but I think I've made my point.