Introduction: Who the Hell is El Pirate Realty, Anyway?

(Continued) Introduction: Who the Hell is El Pirate Realty, Anyway?

In my alter-ego as El Pirate Realtor, I ply the waters -- sea, river, and lake -- between the Caribbean port town of Livingston and the lakeside village of Mariscos some 50 miles inland. The booty I am seeking are the many hidden slices of waterfront Gringo Tropical Paradise that can still be bought for outrageously low prices. Like any good pirate, my goal is to horde the juiciest plums for myself and my close circle of real estate investor amigos in Texas. However, there is SO MUCH booty to go around, my buddies and I can't keep it ALL to ourselves... hence the services of El Pirate Realty.

What Yours Truly sells is NOT the real estate itself, but the list of names and phone numbers you will need to pursue, ON YOUR OWN, any property that piques your interest. In addition, you will receive the A-list of names, phone numbers and websites of all the most important movers and shakers in the Izabal real estate biz that you will need to GREATLY simplify the process. I charge $200 for this double list of names and phone numbers. I ASSURE you that this nominal charge is a tiny fraction of what it would cost you to build this list for yourself. If you don't believe me, try googling the oxymoronic term "Guatemalan real estate agents," and see what pops up. If you don't have $250K in cash burning a hole in your pocket, they want nothing to do with you (and as a Realtor, myself, I must say I can't blame them; there's simply no money in it for them). With one small exception that will be disclosed later, this $200 is the ONLY money I get from anyone -- I am in NO WAY an agent working for these sellers for commissions (most of these sellers have no idea their property is being listed here, in fact), so it really means nothing to me if any of these properties sell or not.

Now that you know who I AM, let me make sure you understand who I am NOT. Just as I am not an agent for any of these sellers, I am also NOT, in any way, YOUR agent, either. You are talking to a PIRATE, after all -- I work for myself, nobody else. I will happily pass along what I have learned about the process, but that in NO WAY makes me an "expert" on buying land in Guatemala, and the LAST thing in the world I am is a Guatemalan real estate lawyer. As long as we're clear on that point, let's move on to the honeymoon stage.