My name is Sam Mitchell. For most of the year, I am a mild-mannered (okay, hot-headed) middle-aged real estate agent with a good job and nice home in Austin, Texas. As the days shorten and temperatures drop with the approach of winter, however, I board a south-bound plane in Houston for a three-hour spaceship ride to a parallel Universe known as Izabal, Guatemala (see the next section, "Where The Hell is Izabal, Guatemala, Anyway?"). I'm barely out of the airport before I morph into Yours Truly -- El Capitan Hambone, the Real Estate Pirate.
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