El Pirate Realty

El Pirate Realty
Capitan Hambone

Introduction: Who the Hell is El Pirate Realty, Anyway?

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Austin, Texas, United States
My name is Sam Mitchell. For most of the year, I am a mild-mannered (okay, hot-headed) middle-aged real estate agent with a good job and nice home in Austin, Texas. As the days shorten and temperatures drop with the approach of winter, however, I board a south-bound plane in Houston for a three-hour spaceship ride to a parallel Universe known as Izabal, Guatemala (see the next section, "Where The Hell is Izabal, Guatemala, Anyway?"). I'm barely out of the airport before I morph into Yours Truly -- El Capitan Hambone, the Real Estate Pirate.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Guatemalan Property Tour From East to West

Guatemalan Property Tour From East to West
Like any good pirate, I will begin our tour along the ocean near Livingston, then head upstream, with stops along the way in Barra Lampara, Cayo Quemado, Rio Dulce, and (assuming I don't get shot by the cannons in the anti-pirate castle) finish up in Lake Izabal.

Livingston Properties

The former banana republic port of Livingston has gone through its share of ups and downs over the centuries, as evidenced by the hodgepodge of cultures and architectural styles you will find there today. Today it is (or so folks tell me) on an upswing, though its overall funky character is a LONG way from Cozumel. Still unreachable by road after all these hundreds of years, Livingston today is a cultural hodgepodge of tourists, ex-pats, Garifunas (google it), and Mayans, who seem to coexist amazingly amiably (even when the Mayans are kidnapping the cops by the boatload, as happened recently, the social intercourse is usually relatively peaceful). True, there is no road in, but there is power, so you can even find a decent mojito or banana split, and the
ATMs have money in them at least six days a week. Livingston sits at the mouth of the Rio Dulce River, where it empties into the Caribbean Sea, so it is here that we will begin our virtual boat trip through the list of properties for sale.


Price: $40K US
Size: 20m by 100 mol meters

This is a narrow but beautiful piece of oceanfront property on the north side of Livingston, but south of the pedestrian bridge. It goes way back from the water, and is full of gorgeous trees, both native and planted. The ground is a little swampy, but there are plenty of nice homes in the area, and a weird old abandoned mansion next door. There is power but no other improvements.





Price: $50K US
Size: Tiny

This is a run-down old waterfront house next door to Casa Rosada, with boat and street access. There is virtually NO LAND here, but just a house above the water, and a place to build a dock in downtown Livingston, which could be a nice thing. Don't know how you would ever have plumbing here. There is a gorgeous view of the water and mountains to the south from the upstairs porch.



Price: $70K US
Size: 50m by 230m


This is 50 m of rare oceanfront property, between Livingston and Siete Altares, right between the two existing hotels on the beach. Walk-in only, though only minutes from the pedestrian
bridge. The front of the property is mostly cleared and overgrown with vines, but some nice native trees remain. At the back of the lot there is a native house and family, complete with dogs and chickens. Don't know what you would do with them. Behind the house is a nice hill with a gorgeous building spot with huge old tree, and a view looking east over the lot to the ocean. Behind that area is pretty much wild jungle falling off downhill. Power is in, but no water.



Price: $70K US
Size: 31m by 95m

This is 31m of beautiful waterfront property on the south side of the river, directly across from Livingston. There are a lot of nice mature trees in front and along one side, though
much of the area behind the house has been cleared. The view of Livingston is spectacular from the riverfront, and there is plenty of room to build at the top of the gentle hill. The property includes a small creek to the right of the house, which could be enlarged to park a
small boat or canoe. Between the creek and the right-side fence is a nice little beach. A narrow piece along the creek extends back an additional 65m to an unbelievable freshwater well at the back of the property. There is a small, fairly junky local house that will have to go. The property has power, water and phone service. You could have a nice place here.


Price: $100K US
Size: 39 m x 185 m

This is a lovely 6-bed, 3-bath home with 39 meters of waterfront on the
South side of the river at the mouth of the canyon. There is only one more house between you and the canyon mouth. The home sits high up on a gentle hill with landscaped yard, overlooking the Rio Dulce toward Livingston and the canyon. I wasn't able to get inside, unfortunately, but it looks first-class.


Price: $200K US
Size: 16m riverfront by 32m oceanfront


I have included this expensive house as an example what more money can buy you down here -- within five minutes, they were talking about lowering the price. This is a SPECTACULAR point of land, the literal Southern corner where the Rio Dulce meets the sea, directly across the river from downtown Livingston. The present owner has been working for five years to artificially extend the land, and has created an incredible place. It is obvious that it will be a continuing battle over the years to enlarge this area, and to protect it from erosion, though your efforts will be worth it. The house itself is a huge concrete structure with two stories, two bedrooms and two baths. The upstairs cocrete front porch is HUGE, and wraps around two sides of the house, offering one of the best views anywhere of the river mouth, the town of Livingston, and the seashore stretching south toward Punta Barrios. Surely there is power, phone and water. There is even a freshwater well that makes no sense, and the owner was starting to build a swimming pool, which can either be finished or filled in with earth to extend the front yard. This could be a true Gringo fantasy, but it's gonna take some serious dinero. The lawyer from Punta Barrios who handled the last sale is named Luis Alberto Morales Roldon, though I don't have his phone number.



Barra Lampara

Leaving Livingston, you will pass through the Rio Dulce Canyon, perhaps the single most spectacular few miles of river in all of Central America. I don't care how many times I ply these waters, I can't help but be awed by the outrageous scenery and flocks of waterbirds. My only problem with the canyon is that it doesn't last long enough. Emerging from the canyon a few miles upstream from Livingston, you will enter the "neighborhood" of Barra Lampara, roughly a three-mile stretch of the Rio Dulce with various side streams coming in from each bank (the two main ones being the Rio Tatin and the Rio Lampara). Barra Lampara, particularly that portion along the Rio Lampara itself, is the "heart and soul" of the Izabal, Guatemala, experience, and is my particular favorite spot. The closest road is perhaps ten miles away, and -- so far, at least -- there is not a single power line in sight to mar the unbelievably gorgeous scenery (estimates are it will be one to five years before power reaches the neighborhood, though hopefully it will be even longer than that before electricity reaches the upper reaches of the Lampara). If you are looking for the purest "Tarzan quotient" left in the area, Barra Lampara is your obvious bet. Best of all, it's the cheapest neighborhood on the whole river.


Price: $7K US
Size: 24m x 57m

This is a 24-meter waterfront lot located on the left bank of Marie Vieja Creek, a side stream entering the main channel from the south, between Golfete and Rio Lampara.
It has decent elevation a gentle slope, which is damn hard to find. There are some nice trees still left on it. Not sure how deep it goes back. I assume there are no improvements. It's
between two houses, but they are not dumps.



Price: Four lots at $7K each US, for a total of $28K US
Size: 23m x 60m

This is a total of four lots on the right bank of Madre Vieja Creek, across from Imer's lot and behind Isisaha's store. The first lot is vacant, and has 23m of water frontage. The second lot has a junky little house on it, and has about 20m of water frontage. The other two are both vacant, each with about 20m of frontage, for a total of about 83m of water frontage. Each lot is 60 m deep. The ground is mostly low-lying and swampy, though there is a little elevation toward
the back. There are still plenty of nice trees that have not been cut down. There's a junky house before the first lot. There is another real trash heap just beyond the last lot, but maybe they would sell that, too. Other than the house, there are no improvements other than a nice
excavated boat slip, but no dock.





Price: $8.5K US
Size: 30m by 58m

This is a gorgeous 30m of waterfront on the south side of the main river, in the canyon itself. It is the only property I have seen in the canyon. It is a wee bit steep, which could make it difficult -- or impossible -- to build. Chris says don't waste your time trying, as the park service would make you tear it down. If you could figure that out, it would be a beautiful place for a small bungalow, a big deck, and a dock. The views could be spectacular. No improvements, though you have neighbors just upstream that you cannot see.



Price: $12K US

Size: Perhaps 50 m on two rivers, do not know how deep Appropriately enough to be owned by someone with the name "Between Rivers", this is the downstream corner lot where the Rio Tatin meets the north bank of the main river. I have not interviewed the seller
directly, but it appears to be about 50 m of frontage on both rivers, so you have gorgeous views in nearly every direction. It is all low-lying swamp with no improvements at this time, but there is a cleared spot in the very corner where there used to be a house, but no more. Behind the
clearing are very nice trees. The best thing about this place is that it is situated between two other houses for sale, one on the main river, and one on the Tatin, so you could put all three together and control the entire corner.




Price: $12K US
Size: 50m or more on Rio Tatin, do not know how deep

This place is a large primitive house and two docks, on the right bank of the Rio Tatin as soon as you turn in from the main river. The whole front has been developed, with nice trees behind. Otherwise, all low-lying swamp. Can be purchased with two adjacent properties to control entire corner of confluence. Not a bad price for a house.



Price: $12K US
Size: 40m x 60m triangle


This lot on the south side of the main stream, directly beside the water lily patch, is in a lovely spot, but it is nearly all in the mangroves, so I´m not sure if you could do anything with it. If any lot is worthy of trying an extreme low-ball, this is the one, but unless you´re broke, hold out for something else.




Price: $12K US
Size: 50m by 100m


This is 50m of heavily wooded vacant land on the south side of the main river, across from the mouth of the Rio Tatin. It is FULL of gorgeous trees, but totally undeveloped, so it
would need clearing and fill if you wanted to put a house in there. Would be pricey, but the views alone would be worth it.




Price: $13K US
Size: 50m by 100m


This is a sweet lot on the north side of the Rio Lampara, approx. 2 km. upstream on the way to the waterfall. It has been partially cleared, but there are still plenty of nice trees left. Mostly low-lying swamp, though there MAY be a small bit of elevated land at the very back of lot. No oher improvements.



Price: $15K US
Size: 105 m waterfront, 50m deep

This place is two doors upstream from Hotelito Perdido, on the left bank of the Rio Lampara
just upstream from the main channel. It has a rock seawall built along the 105m of waterfront, a well-built unfinished palapa on the waterfront, and a composting toilet already in. The property is mostly swampy, but Bob has begun the process of dragging in sand to fill in a
building pad. I would be very interested in this place, but it is right across the street from Imer's loud, ugly and smelly boat repair business. Damn!



Price: $21K US
Size: 30m by 100m

If you thought the days were over when you could buy a house and dock in the middle of Gringo Paradise for the price of a pickup truck, check this place out. I´m not saying it´s the
NICEST house and dock out there, of course... The lot next door (the corner lot of the Rio Dulce and Tatin) is also for sale for $12K (see above).



Price: $43K US
Size: 30m by 90m

This property is a turn-key former restaurant on the north side of the main river, just downstream from the mouth of the Rio Tatin. It could easily be turned into another restaurant -- it includes a full kitchen, tables and chairs, the whole nine yards -- or it could easily be converted into a large private home. The restaurant building is built completely over the water itself on an oversized dock, with boat parking all along its perimeter. It appears it would be fairly easy to add a second floor. There is a comfortable, though far from luxurious, two-story home behind the restaurant with a nice upstairs front porch. The heavily forested back of the property houses the restrooms, water tank, etc. The restaurant and the home both have
stunning river and mountain views to the south, east and west. If you´re in the market for running a waterfront restaurant-bar in the heart of Gringo Paradise, this is clearly your best opportunity.




Price: $50K US
Size: Approx. 8 acres


This interesting property includes an entire hill, perhaps 70 m frontage on main stream, and approx. eight acres of land of varying topography. The frontage is between the two restaurants on the south side of the main river. Includes a primitive house and cow barn down near the river, with the small hill sloping up behind the house. Gorgeous views from the river front, and you could have commanding hilltop views from the top. Unfortunately, there is another junky little house sharing the hilltop with you, which could become a major problem. Most of the land has been chopped and is being used to graze cows, so reforestation is in order, but there are still several nice trees on the hillside and hilltop. Ironically, these trees are blocking the sweeping hilltop views upstream. Where is a Guatemalan with a chain saw when you need him? If
you are looking for out of the swamp and a large parcel of land,
however, this is a damn good buy.


Price: $100K US
Size: Approx. 80m by 1000m

This huge piece of land, stretching approx. one kilometer from the waterfront, begins in a beautiful mangrove-lined side stream, almost invisible along the south side of the main river, just downstream from Rio Lampara and Rio Tatin. The low-lying 80m of TOTALLY PRIVATE estuary waterfront is pretty much all swamp along the creek. I did not have the
time or the shoes to confirm this, but the owner promises me the land stretches back almost an entire kilometer, and contains a lot of high and dry ground that would make a perfect hotel hideaway. Don´t know what the state of the jungle is, though it appears to be forested from what I could see from the water. I THINK you would be well out of the clutches of the ¨National Park Service¨ here, as well, but that´s for you to confirm.




Price: $200K US
Size: Not sure


This property is 50 to 60 m of PRIME waterfront property along the north bank of the main river, just as Lake Golfete narrows into the channel. It is approx. 100 m deep, against the side of a steep hillside. Gorgeous property with views of river, lake and mountains. Southern exposure. The main gringo house is a two-story wooden palapa with three bedrooms, two baths, kitchen, livingroom, and front porch all along front of second story, facing over river toward mountains. In addition, there is a primitive servant's house complete with servants behind the main house, a large covered dock, a cool little creek between the houses to park canoes, bodega, water tank, even a slide into the river. There is power from a generator, furniture, appliances, etc. The owner lives or has lived in the U.S. Property on both sides is owned by the same gringo. Warnings from other gringos that there could be fights over the title, though unconfirmed by Capt. Hambone.



Price: Unknown
Size: Unknown

This property is waterfront on the south bank of the main river, just upstream from the water lily patch. It is in the mangroves, so it is low-lying with no big trees. There is a large cleared building site in the middle. No improvements, otherwise.


Price: Unknown
Size: Unknown


This lot is on a beautiful point of land on the south side of the main river, facing toward Lake Golfete, and just around the corner from Texas Bay Marina. It has a bunch of gorgeous trees right along the waterfront, but only a tiny spot for building next door to a seriously junky old
house. No improvements.



Price: Unknown
Size: 100m by 180m

This 100m of mostly forested riverside sits on the north bank of the main river, just upstream from the Rio Tatin and directly across from the mouth of the Rio Lampara. It ALMOST goes to a lovely little mangrove-lined creek. Most of the land is heavily forested still, though there is a cleared point of land right at the river´s edge that used to have a house and dock, now gone.
The property stretches for 180m behind the river, and even includes quite a bit of high and dry hillside, complete with a barn. Unfortunately, most of the hillside has been logged out, and the
neighbors next door are actively cutting their piece of Paradise into chopsticks as I write this, so you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak.



Price: Unknown
Size: Unknown


This property is 40m mol of riverfront property on the main river, just downstream from the RIo Barra, and directly across the river from the mouth of the Rio Tatin. Like most of the lots here, the property is mostly low-lying swamp, but a lot of fill has been moved in already.
There are still some nice big trees on the land. The lot includes a fairly decent little house with an attached little store, a dock that needs some TLC, and a second, junky little house. Beautiful views across the river to the north, possibly nice sunset views, as well.



Cayo Quemado Properties

Continuing upstream toward Rio Dulce, the next "neighborhood" you will reach is the ex-pat community of Cayo Quemado. Cayo Quemado is a predominantly gringo/ex-pat community on the south side of the Rio Dulce main stream, just downstream from where Lake Golfete narrows back into the river. It is about halfway between Rio Dulce and Livingston. A small Mayan village still remains, but the area is quickly being taken over by Gringos. There is a new marina (Texan
ay), a lot of new construction, and the sheltered bays are full of expensive sailboats. Most importantly -- and the thing that sets Cayo Quemado apart from the surrounding area -- is the new powerline that is going in as I write this. In a matter of weeks, this sleepy little resort will be lit up like a Christmas tree, with jukeboxes, blenders, and Internet close behind. Going hand in hand with the new powerline will no doubt be a rapid rise in property values, so these prices are liable to change on a daily basis. You need to make the fundamental choice whether or not you want electricity and its double-edged sword.

If you do, then Cayo Quemado is your clear (make that ONLY) choice for now. If you don't, you may as well skip this section and move a little deeper into the jungle. Lots are being grabbed up fast, but there is still a good inventory.

DISCLOSURE: YOUR FRIENDLY PIRATE WILL RECEIVE A ONE PERCENT COMMISSION
ON ANY OF THESE LOTS, WHICH SHOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED AN ENDORSEMENT.


Price: $2.6K US
Size: 1/2 acre

This lot, the single cheapest that the Real Estate Pirate dug up on his raids up and down the river, offers 50 meters of waterfront. Obviously, at this price, this place is all low-lying mangrove swamp, but hey, there's plenty of room for a house and a dock.



Price: $4.7K US
Size: 95 m (almost an acre)

I included this place just to show you can, indeed, still buy a waterfront lot in Cayo Quemado for under $5000. The property is essentially a mangrove swamp along a lovely side stream, so I am far from sure you could develop it.


Price: $7K US
ize: Approx. 3/4 acre

This low-lying parcel offers 58 meters of waterfront, nice big trees, and Golfete views. There is no high ground, hence the price, but it is beautiful, nonetheless.



Price: $8K US
Size: 1.5 acres

This parcel offers approx. 100 meters of waterfront, all of it low-lying mangrove swamp with no improvements.



Price: $9K US
Size: 1/2 acre

This parcel offers 31 meters of low ground. No improvements, but nice views.



Price: $11K US
Size: 1.25 acres

This property offers 75 meters of waterfront overlooking Texas Bay Marina across the bay, a primitive house, and a small dock -- not a bad deal for the money at all. At this price, there is no high ground, of course.



Price: $15K US
Size: Approx. 2 acres

This low-lying parcel is divided down the middle by a gorgeous little side stream, with 40 to 80 meters along each bank of the creek. It's beautiful, but I am not sure it could be developed. The creek is the access to a large farm behind the parcel, so this parcel could
probably be worked into the sales price for that farm, as well.



Price: $16K US
Size: 1/2 acre

This parcel offers 110 meters of waterfront on a point of land sticking out into the main channel of the Rio Dulce. It is all low-ground with a primitive house.



Price: $20K US
Size: Approx. one acre

This lot offers only 5.5 meters of waterfront, hence the price, but that is plenty of room to build a dock out into the water. Other than that, the lot is mostly high ground with a lot of nice trees. It is bordered on one side by a small creek, as well. No improvements.



Price: $20K US
Size: 1.25 acre

This property offers 60 meters of low-lying land at the end of a small peninsula, with the water wrapping around the point. Nice big trees in a mangrove lagoon, but no high ground. There is a primitve house, as well.




Price: $20K US (two lots)
Size: Approx. two acres (each lot)


Each of these two lots offers approx. 70 meters of waterfront in a protected bay, facing Texas Bay Marina. They are both low-lying, and heavily wooded with nice trees. Next door to the marina.



Price: $24K US
Size: Approx. five acres

This lot offers only six meters of waterfront, hence the price, but that's all you need for a nice dock. The small-acreage parcel behind the water is a lovely five-acre view lot with plenty of nice trees. No improvements.



Price: $26K US
Size: Approx. 2 acres

This parcel offers 92 meters of waterfront along Lake Golfete, with approx. one acre of nice high ground behind the waterfront. Full of nice trees, and should offer beautiful sunset views.




Price: $40K US
Size: 65m x 70 m (approx. one acre)


This lot is 65 m of waterfront in a lovely protected bay, going back 70 m up a hill, so there is plenty of nice elevation for beautiful building sites. It is full of mature uncut trees. There is a primitive house on the lot down by the water.



Price: $46K US
Size: Approx. two acres

This lot bridges a peninsula of land, offering 100 meters of waterfront on the bay side, and 67 meters of waterfront on the main river channel, with high ground on the small ridge between. There is a small house. This parcel is adjacent to another low-lying two acres of swamp with 25 meters of waterfront on a small lagoon, for an additional $20K.



Price: $50K US
Size: Approx. one acre

This place is one of my personal picks in Cayo Quemado. It offers 70 meters of waterfront,
and goes up a gentle hill approx. 80 meters. It is mostly high ground with a lot of mixed trees. A primitive house and dock are already in place. Nice place!



Price: $50K US
Size: 1.5 acres

This parcel offers 90 meters of waterfront on the eastern edge of Lake Golfete, with views to the west across the lake, toward Rio Dulce, which should offer some great sunset views. The lot is mostly high ground with nice trees, offering several lovely building sites. No improvements other than power.



Price: $65K US
Size: Approx. 4 acres

This property offers 50 m of waterfront in a protected little bay on the south shore of the main river, just downstream from Lake Golfete.It is about half high ground, half low-lying, with beautiful views to the northwest. Includes a primitive house, but no dock.



Price: $125K US
Size: 8.5 acres

This beautiful parcel bridges a point of land sticking out into Lake Golfete, so it has TWO waterfronts, each approx. 185 meters, with a couple of points of nice high ground along the "ridge" for beautiful building sites, breezes, and sunset views. It is full of nice trees, but there are no improvements other than the new powerline in the neighborhood.

Price: $145K US
Size: Approx. 13 acres

This parcel includes the entire end of a peninsula jutting out into the south side of the river, so it is hard to estimate the amount of waterfront, as it wraps around the parcel on three sides. Views in all directions, and should have beautiful sunsets. There is a small bungalow in place, but no dock.


Price: $150K US
Size: 3+ acres

This nice small-acreage parcel bridges the middle of a point of land,which gives it TWO waterfronts: 116 meters on a small bay on one side,and 33 meters of riverfront on the other side. In between is a ridge of land with nice trees, which should offer multiple building sites with beautiful views and nice breezes. No improvements.


Price: $200K US
Size: 150 acres (?)


This is a large finca (farm) leading back from the water at the end of a little side stream, so technically it is waterfront, but it is more for someone looking for a much larger project. The farm is a mix of high ground and low ground, cleared land and forest. I include it here to give you some idea of what your money can buy for non-waterfront property in Guatemala. The land is aching for a reforestation project, organic farm, etc. There is an interested American buyer looking for partners to join him on a reforestation project, so if you're thinking about something like that, this could be your ticket.


Rio Dulce Properties

Leaving Cayo Quemado and heading upstream, the river widens out into a forest-rimmed lake called Golfete Lake. There are unbelievably few houses, Gringo or Mayan, dotting the shoreline of Golfete. Most of the north shore has been preserved (really!) as a manatee preserve, so be VERY CAREFUL if someone offers to sell you land in that area, as this is one spot where the National Park Service really WILL make your life miserable if you try to build (as they should).

At the west end of Golfete Lake, the channel narrows once again as you enter the sailboat-filled inland port town of Rio Dulce. You will immediately notice that there is a BOATLOAD -- make that 200 boatloads -- of Gringo money in this town. Rio Dulce is the major supply station for the hordes of Gringo sailors, and much of the town is oriented toward that industry. It is also the only point in the entire 50-mile stretch of waterway spanned by a bridge (the biggest in Central
America). The highway forming the bridge is your connection by land to Guatemala City, some 200 miles to the southwest, and the northern frontier state of El Peten, home to the Tikal ruins. The town itself is noisy and dirty and not much to see, but you can find pretty much whatever you need there to make your jungle experience a wee bit more civilized. There are plenty of very expensive Gringo homes for sale hear for mucho dinero (one marina is on the market for $2 million, to give you some idea of the prices), but I am not going to bother with them here, as you can find them elsewhere on the Internet, and if you have two million bucks in your pocket, you're probably not going to be interested in the booty this real estate pirate has to share.


Price: $60K US
Size: 50 m x 120 m

This is a "real subdivision" on the south side of Lake Izabal, barely a kilometer upstream from Rio Dulce. It also has road access, power, and full title to the land. I did not visit this site for the
simple reason that this kind of project is not what El Pirate Realty is all about, but I thought I would mention it for people in the market for something like this. If you want to be surrounded by other gringos and enjoy all the comforts that can be enjoyed in Rio Dulce, Guatemala, this
could be just the ticket. The lots seem to be moving fast at $60K U.S.,
so obviously SOMEONE is interested in places like this.




Price: $80K US
Size: Unknown

This is a gorgeous lot on the south side of the main river, approx. one kilometer east of the big bridge in Rio Dulce, lying between two established marinas. It is low-lying and totally
undeveloped at this time, but is surrounded by plenty of upscale development. Monkeys in back MAY cause a problem with development. There is a possibility of two more adjacent lots becoming available in the same area, as well.


Price: Unknown
Size: 75 x 180 m (x 2 lots)

Two lakefront lots, each approx. 75 meters of waterfront, on the north shore of Lake Golfete Lake. Gorgeous views toward Rio Dulce for dramatic sunsets. Cayo Julian is in front, forming a protected calm bay, which may be okay for a small sheltered marina. It is close to the
manatee preserve, so you may encounter some development problems. There
is a beat-up old house and dock on the property, and a few houses nearby, so you should be able to use that to your advantage if you want to rebuild.



Lake Izabal Properties

From Rio Dulce, you will pass by the famous castle, which was built some 400 years ago to ward off pirates like Yours Truly (but which was sacked by the same pirates a few years after it was built). Beyond the castle, the river widens out into Guatemala's biggest lake, Lake Izabal (probably six times the size of its more famous kid sister, Lake Atitlan). Although it's not ringed by volcanoes, it IS ringed on all sides by lovely mountains, and the sunsets over Lake Izabal are right out of the picture books. Except for a couple of small towns (Estor on the north shore, Mariscos on the south), the lakeshore is amazingly undeveloped, and the lake itself is so empty of boats, you can sail naked all day long with nothing to fear except sunburn. It would take a
month to thoroughly explore the miles and miles of undeveloped shoreline, and I hope to find that time eventually and report back to you. For now, here are a few examples to whet your appetite:



Price: Unknown
Size: Unknown

Two waterfronts on Bochancha Point, on the south shore of Lake Izabal, approx. 15 min. west of Rio Dulce by boat. Gorgeous views to the west should provide beautiful sunsets. Power is in. The lakefront is lined with huge trees, but most of the land behind has been cleared, and needs to be reforested.



Price: $50K? US
Size: 20m x 40m or 50m x 150 m

This property is situated along the South shore of Lake Izabal, between the town of Mariscos and Denny's Beach Hotel. Boat access only, approx. 30 min. to Rio Dulce by water. It is heavily wooded with gorgeous trees. The land does not have much of a beach to speak of. It
backs up to a hillside in back; I'm not sure how steep it is. Totally undeveloped. It was unclear when I was there exactly how the owner wanted to divide and sell the property; I heard 20-meter lots or 50-meter lots. In all, I would guess there might be a 500-meter stretch of coastline that could probably be divided in many different ways. You need to discuss all that with the owner.



Price: $250K US
Size: 100m by 300? m

This GORGEOUS slice of lakefront property sits on what appears to be the single nicest lot in the lakeside vacation town of Mariscos, on the south shore of Lake Isabal perhaps 15 miles west of Rio Dulce. It is in n area of very nice homes on the road to Playa Dorada. My gut feeling is that this was once a prime getaway for the upper crust of Guatemala City (a little less than 150 miles away), that must have gone into decline during the civil war, but is now coming back to life. Tennessee Williams would´ve written a play about it, no doubt. Today, the road has been recently paved, and at least two new expensive homes are going in on the same street. This lot, by far the largest on the street, is full of gorgeous trees right down to the lakeside. There are
two main houses, a caretaker´s quarters in the detached garage, a covered dock, and a separate buildable lakeside lot that already has the foundation of a former house in it. It is a true diamond in the rough. Since there are no other comparable properties for sale in the neighborhood, I have nothing to compare the price to. There´s a lot going on here, though, not the least of which is quick access to Guatemala City by excellent road. If what you´re looking for is somewhere in Paradise that hasn´t been invaded by Gringos already, that offers a wide variety of housing choices that could house an extended group of friends, and has pretty much all of the city conveniences that may be lacking in the jungle, I don´t see how you could go wrong with
this place. Best of all, you can sail all the way to Texas from your front door. It DOES need a wee bit of TLC, and please keep in mind that the public has a right to walk across your waterfront between the houses and your sunset views from the dock. No fences allowed.


TEN REASONS NOT TO BUY LAND IN GUATEMALA:

  1. The Mayan "squatter" dilemma: aka, the slimy guilt you're gonna feel forcing a nice guy named Emilio and his sweet family out of their dirt-floor little hovel they've miraculously managed to carve out of a mosquito-infested swamp after years of back-breaking toil, because their home impedes upon your view of the Rio Dulce riverfront from your second-story veranda. Worse than this part of the dilemma is the utter desperate hopelessness you're gonna feel when you return to your piece of Paradise after a six-month absence, only to find a machete-wielding Emilio lying in a hammock on that same veranda.
  2. That lunatic Mayan dude named Ramiro Choc (a sort of Mayan Robin Hood), who has this nasty habit of showing up at your house at midnight, holding a machete to your throat, and growling: "You stole this land from my grandfather, Gringo, you have 24 hours to get off my property." (Last I heard, he was in a Guatemalan prison with 11 felony counts against him, so maybe this is no longer a valid reason not to buy land in Guatemala.)
  3. The Guatemalan National Park Service, who have an equally nasty habit of showing up at your house at noon, holding a pen and clipboard to your throat, and growling: "You stole this land from a manatee, Gringo, you have 24 hours to get off his property."
  4. The seller who sold you your piece of Paradise has already sold it to six other Gringos, and will sell it to at least six more before the 13 of you figure it out, by which time he will have made so much money, he will have moved to the U.S. and left the bunch of you to slug it out in the Guatemalan court system.
  5. The rebel guerillas (there are ALWAYS rebel guerillas in these countries, right?) will FINALLY win the Civil War, a victory they will celebrate by moving in to all the nice houses provided free-of-charge by all those nice Gringos.
  6. Have you seen Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth?" No joke -- if you want to buy oceanfront land in Guatemala, I suggest you buy a lot 300 feet up the side of the Rio Dulce Canyon.
  7. Why would you put yourself through all this stress when the jungle is full of perfectly decent hotels that you can stay in for as little as six bucks per night?
  8. Lousy coffee, and the mojitos have ginger ale in them.
  9. Vampire bats, vipers, tarantulas, scorpions, and chupucabras.
  10. That disgusting little bug that lays eggs in your privates in the middle of the night while you are asleep.

If that's not enough reason not to buy land in Guatemala, let's think of a reason why you SHOULD buy land there:

If you don't buy it, some other lucky gringo will, and he -- not you -- will be the one lounging around in a hammock in Paradise, sipping on a pina colada, and smiling all the way to the bank because he knows that $20K he invested in this swamp will pay back in triple-digit spades in 10 years. I'm sure I could think of nine more good reasons to buy land in Izabal, Guatemala, but the second reason (an inexhaustible supply of cheap monkey tobacco) has clouded my mind. But the first reason is the only one that REALLY matters, and you know it as well as I do, which brings me to the Golden Rule of El Pirate Realty:

"Thou shalt not let some other Gringo snatch up YOUR piece of Paradise while you sit on your rear end paralyzed with doubt and fear."

CLICK HERE TO GO DIRECTLY TO PROPERTY LISTINGS

The Nuts and Bolts of Buying Property in Guatemala


Here at El Pirate Realty, I am interested ONLY in waterfront property, not inland property (which has a different set of rules which I will not go into here, as they don't apply to any properties on this list). To repeat my earlier disclaimer, I am NOT, in any way, a Guatemalan real estate lawyer, so what I am about to describe to you here is, once again, an oversimplified interpretation of how I understand the basic process to work. As you are reading these "rules," please keep in mind that the vast majority of folks completely IGNORE the rules, and do whatever the hell they want to do with their property, with little fear of reprisal from any sort of policing agency; El Pirate Realty in NO WAY is advocating you do the same, of course!




As I understand it, ALL waterfront land in Guatemala -- whether in Izabal, Lake Atitlan, or anywhere else -- is, technically, some sort of public land. In particular, the first 10 meters (approx. 30 feet) back from the shore has to be kept open for the public to walk across. (This is no problem for the vast majority of properties on this list, where people use canoes to get around, although it does apply to those properties on the ocean and Lake Izabal.) Behind this first 10 meters, an additional 90 meters is also considered "public," though it isn't nearly so regulated.
When you "buy" waterfront land in Guatemala, you are actually buying a lease from someone else (or, as is frequently the case, you are paying someone who never owned a lease to vacate the property). So, when you read that a piece of land "costs" $10,000, what that means is that you are paying the current leaseholder $10,000 to assign his lease over to you and to move off the land. That is the first part of the process you need to work out.


Once you have worked that part out with the seller, you will (if all goes well) receive a "concession" from the Guatemalan government to develop and occupy your new piece of land for a set number of years. The number of years seems to float somewhere between 15 and 25 years, though 15 years seems to be the most common number for someone who simply wants to build a small vacation bungalow. Each year, you pay the Guatemalan government a nominal fee (around $100 per parcel) to preserve your lease. The two big gambles, of course, are: what is to keep the government from jacking up the annual lease fee; and, more importantly, what happens at the end of my lease when I go to renew it, and am told that the government has decided not to renew the lease? I wish I had an answer for you, but I am a pirate, not a fortune-teller, so this is THE essential gamble you are taking. All I can say is that there are hundreds of Gringos buying waterfront land all over Guatemala, and plunking down thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, to develop land that they do not have title to. You simply need to weigh the risk factor, and decide for yourself.


Those are the rules that apply to ALL waterfront property in Guatemala. In much of Izabal, however -- particularly that stretch of the Rio Dulce between the town of Rio Dulce and Livingston, where the vast majority of these properties lie -- you have a second layer of Guatemalan government bureaucracy to deal with: the National Park Service. We've already gone over how ridiculous this designation is in the "real world," but ridiculous or not, you are still going to have to deal with them. Technically, the National Park Service has to sign off on your concession (your lease) before you are allowed to build there. It's a crap shoot whether they will or not, of course. If they do NOT, you simply need to make a choice of how to proceed: bail and look for another piece; appeal the decision through legitimate channels (good luck!); pay off some bureaucrat or middleman to get your permit; or, as most people seem to do, build your house and deal with the fallout later on the slim chance you ever get busted by the park rangers.


Let me give you a real-life example of what I am dealing with right now in my own life: I have picked out a vacant lot way back in the jungle, on the banks of the Rio Lampara. The seller and I have agreed on the price. The leasing arm of the government has told me they would be happy to transfer the lease to me, but there is a small hitch: the National Park Service has decided my lot is in a "protected area," and therefore I will never be able to get permission to build there. At this point, I am choosing the "pay off somebody to get my concession for me" option. Meanwhile, the seller is deciding whether he is going to wait around for this to happen, or if he's going to take a chainsaw into this "protected area" and level this gorgeous plot of rainforest because anyone buying his place cannot get permission to build a little house in the corner of the property, making his property worthless. And believe me, he could do this in one day with zero fear of being arrested (and even if he was, the fine would be a fraction of what he could sell the wood for). Does my absurd contention about saving the rainforest by buying it and building on it make more sense now?


That is really as deep as I want to get into the details of Guatemalan real estate contracts. Make no mistake about it: the process is a pain in the ass, there's no getting around the fact. It's the nature of the beast. At the same time, there are plenty of Gringos going through it right now (me being one of them), and once it is finished and they are settled into their little piece of Paradise, it will be worth it. I promise.

Behind The Coconut Curtain

Before I start sounding too much like the president of the Izabal Chamber of Commerce, I want to level with you here if you are seriously considering purchasing land in Izabal, Guatemala (or anywhere else in Latin America, for that matter, every part of which has some version of the story I am about to relate here). You can easily spend a month or more in the neighborhood as a vacationing tourist and never be aware of all the political drama going on behind the coconut trees. But if you're seriously considering making a larger commitment to the area, it probably would behoove you to read my oversimplified interpretation of what is going on behind the scenes down there (ask ten other people, and you would get eleven other interpretations, of course).




If you look at a map of Izabal, Guatemala, particularly the stretch of river between Rio Dulce and Livingston, you will no doubt notice that the whole area (essentially, the entire waterfront) has been declared a "national park" by the Guatemalan government. Like most Gringos, you will probably jump to the understandable conclusion that this must mean that the river is lined with thick tropical rainforest, teeming with all sorts of exotic wildlife. Well, you would be about half-right... The vast majority of the once-teeming wildlife has ended up in the stewpots of the exploding local population, and the "protected" jungle is under serious assault from everything from chainsaws on down to machetes. To Gringo eyes, the jungle still appears to be luxurious -- and there are still large stretches of (so-far) uncut forest remaining -- but with each passing year (make that month, or day), more trees hit the dirt, to be sliced up for lumber or, more commonly, to be hacked up for firewood.


The other ironic thing you will soon figure out about "Rio Dulce National Park" is that it is already full of ramshackle primitive houses inhabited by the local indigenous Mayan population, with more and more beautiful homes being built every day by Gringos, other foreigners, and rich Guatemalan landowners from the city. As you begin to peel back the layers of what is going on down there in the jungle, some fascinating, though disturbing, patterns emerge. It would be way beyond the scope of this little website to go into great detail about Guatemalan politics in Izabal, Guatemala, but I will try to touch on the two most salient points, which would be the local Mayan population on one hand, and the voracious deforestation of the jungle on the other.


A tiny bit of oversimplified history of the region to set the stage... When the Guatemalan government created the Rio Dulce "National Park" upteen years ago, the area really WAS an untouched jungle teeming with all sorts of exotic wildlife. One long-time resident told me of the days barely a dozen years ago when he had jaguars eating monkeys in his back yard. Well, the jaguars -- not to mention the monkeys -- are long gone, no doubt never to return. The once-abundant caimans (small alligators) have been reduced to a tiny remnant population at the extreme western shore of Lake Izabal. I challenge you to find a lousy turtle or squirrel left in Rio Dulce National Park. (Amazingly, the wading bird population appears to be in fairly stable shape, and I have spotted otters, toucans and boa constrictors.)


The reasons for this precipitous decline in wildlife and ever-increasing assault on the remaining virgin jungle are myriad and complicated. To oversimplify: during the 30-year Civil War that ended (we hope) in 1996, the mercilessly persecuted indigenous Maya, to save their lives and the lives of their families, fled from the western highlands where they were being massacred. About the only place left for them to escape to was the swampy riverside jungle of the remote Rio Dulce "National Park." (The Maya you see in Rio Dulce today are not remnant populations of the ancient pyramid builders from 1000 years ago, they are recent transplants from less than 20 years ago.) When they got to their new home, they found the ground was worthless to grow anything to eat, so they did what any intelligent starving person would do: they ate everything they could find that swam, crawled, or flew (except the egrets and cormorants, which apparently taste awful, or they, too, would be as rare as tapirs today).


Before I tread one step further into this iffy territory, I need to make another El Pirate disclaimer, this time about the "Mayan Dilemma." Here goes: Please understand that I adore the Mayan people. Never in my life have I met a more humble, polite, soft-spoken, hard-working group of folks than the Mayan friends I have met in Izabal, Guatemala. The plight they have suffered for the past 500 years is tragic beyond words, and their enduring poverty is heartbreaking. And you had better believe that we Gringos buying land in Izabal need the Maya a HELLUVALOT more than they need us! If the Maya REALLY want to rebel against their plight and bring us Gringos to our knees, all they need to do is not show up for work for three days running, and the entire Gringo ex-pat community would collapse. And you had better believe if I were hungry and needed to feed my family, I would eat every squirrel and turtle I could lay my machete on. And if I needed firewood to cook my squirrel-turtle soup on, I would chop down every tree in the forest. As I hear so many Gringos in the area say, nobody "blames" the Maya for their mistreatment of the land, but it is a fact of life in the jungle that cannot be swept under the carpet any longer.


That disclaimer out of the way, here is the bottom line: whatever your opinion about Guatemalan politics, the horrendous mistreatment of the Maya by the government, etc., the ugly fact is that the Maya -- through no "fault" of their own -- are a serious threat to what little remains of the jungle in Rio Dulce "National Park." While everybody frets over what to do about the "Mayan dilemma," the forest continues to fall at an alarming rate, one machete whack at a time. This is the situation you will be getting into if you decide to buy land in Izabal, make no mistake about it.


So, what does all this mean for Gringos buying land in the area? A couple of things:


-- When you buy land (actually, when you LEASE it, which I will get to in a moment), you very well may be buying it from a Mayan family already living there. If so, that probably means you will have to kick them off to make room for yourself. Of course, if there is nobody left to guard your land because you kicked them off, who do you think is going to guard it from "squatters" (exactly WHO is the squatter in this equation, anyway?) while you're not there? This is a real dilemma, and one with no easy fix (I, personally, try to buy vacant land and hire the nearest Mayan neighbor to be my guardian).


-- And, no doubt the most absurd conclusion I will draw, but one I am forced to admit is accurate after studying the dynamic down there: The single best way to save the remaining rain forest in Rio Dulce National Park is for a bunch of Gringos to buy up all the remaining forest and build houses on it. There, I said it. If you had said that patently absurd statement to me a few years ago, I would have accused you of being a racist at best, crazy at worst. I am neither, but I have reached this conclusion after hearing other Gringos voice the same opinion, and seeing it with my own eyes. The logic is fairly straightforward: Generally speaking (and there are exceptions to this rule as there are to all rules), Gringos do not cut down trees on their property for firewood, they save them, and reforest areas that have been cut before they arrived. Gringos do not raise large families of children on their plots of rainforest. Gringos do not eat squirrels and monkeys. Okay, I have made my point -- and though I would readily agree with you that Gringos, per capita, take a MUCH bigger bite out of Mother Earth on a planetary scale than any Mayan could ever hope to taste, they take a much SMALLER bite out of this PARTICULAR little corner of Mother Earth. So, to repeat my absurd contention: The single best way to save the remaining rain forest in Rio Dulce National Park is for a bunch of Gringos to buy up all the remaining forest and build houses on it. Period.


Don't get me wrong. What I strongly believe is that the Guatemalan government ought to kick EVERYONE -- Mayan, Guatemalan, and Gringo -- out of Rio Dulce National Park, once and for all and forever. The situation is crazy. But the bottom line is that it ain't gonna happen. Everybody wants their piece of the pie, and some map that calls a place a "national park" isn't going to stem the tide.
Enough background information for now. You can either CLICK HERE TO GO DIRECTLY TO THE PROPERTY LISTINGS, or read on to find out what all this behind-the-scenes political shenanigans means to a Gringo shopping for land in Izabal, Guatemala.

Where in Hell is Izabal, Guatemala, Anyway?

I stumbled around Central America for almost 20 years, looking for the ultimate Gringo Tropical Paradise. I watched Mexico, then Belize, then Costa Rica be discovered and developed, while I bided my time, knowing the Right Place would finally present itself. I even got to Guatemala several times in the early 1990s, and fell in love with the scenery, the weather, and the people. Those were in the dark days of the Guatemalan Civil War, however, and the exotic-sounding Rio Dulce was an (allegedly) dangerous place for Gringos. That dark period in Guatemala's history finally ended in 1996, and it was years later before I FINALLY decided to go check it out for a day or two. Within 20 minutes of hopping aboard the little boat taking tourists from the town of Rio Dulce into the jungle, I knew I had found my Paradise Lost. I stayed there for a month on my first visit, and I will be returning there for the rest of my life. Here's why:

The spectacular scenery of Izabal -- from Lake Izabal in the West, down the Rio Dulce River and through the jungle canyon, all the way to the oceanfront town of Livingston -- touched some sort of long-dormant "Tarzan nerve" in my weary middle-aged body. The scenery is a mad mixture of water, mountains, jungles, and sky -- sort of like the love child between South Florida and the San Juan Islands. No wonder so many rich yachties hang out there. If you don't mind some hot sun and a little rain now and then, the weather is nothing to complain about, either, particularly in January, when there's a foot of snow in Chicago.

If you have a wee bit of Tarzan in you, you will fall in love with this place, I assure you. (Of course, if you have NO Tarzan in you, you may want to head to the nearest Club Med, which Izabal, Guatemala, clearly is NOT!) As there are no roads into this watery jungle, all access is by boat, be it million-dollar yacht or dug-out canoe. As I write this in February, 2008, the first power lines are being strung in one area (the ex-pat hangout of Cayo Quemado, see property listings), but the vast majority of the 30-mile stretch of river between Rio Dulce and Livingston remains off-the-grid to this day. The local water system is rainwater collection (don't ask about the local septic systems, please, you don't want to know). I imagine it looks quite a bit like Florida must've looked 50 years ago, only with mountains. As seemingly remote as it seems, everyone is yakking on their cell phones, and Livingston and Rio Dulce are always only minutes away if you have a craving for a banana split or a good mojito. Indiana Jones or James Bond would've set up shop here in a heartbeat, for good reason.

To top it off, Izabal, the easternmost state in the country, is conveniently situated on the Caribbean approximately halfway between Belize and Honduras, either one of which is a half-day's boat ride away. (If you need a boat, here is a shameless plug for Guatemala Boat Trips.) If you're tired of saltwater and want to sail, motor or paddle upstream, Guatemala's biggest lake -- the gorgeous and almost completely undeveloped Lake Izabal -- is waiting for you there. It is so uncrowded, in fact, that a lot of Gringos decide to do their sailing au naturel with no concern of being seen by another living soul for hours. I could go on waxing poetic about the place for hours, but I think I've made my point.

Introduction: Who the Hell is El Pirate Realty, Anyway?

(Continued) Introduction: Who the Hell is El Pirate Realty, Anyway?

In my alter-ego as El Pirate Realtor, I ply the waters -- sea, river, and lake -- between the Caribbean port town of Livingston and the lakeside village of Mariscos some 50 miles inland. The booty I am seeking are the many hidden slices of waterfront Gringo Tropical Paradise that can still be bought for outrageously low prices. Like any good pirate, my goal is to horde the juiciest plums for myself and my close circle of real estate investor amigos in Texas. However, there is SO MUCH booty to go around, my buddies and I can't keep it ALL to ourselves... hence the services of El Pirate Realty.

What Yours Truly sells is NOT the real estate itself, but the list of names and phone numbers you will need to pursue, ON YOUR OWN, any property that piques your interest. In addition, you will receive the A-list of names, phone numbers and websites of all the most important movers and shakers in the Izabal real estate biz that you will need to GREATLY simplify the process. I charge $200 for this double list of names and phone numbers. I ASSURE you that this nominal charge is a tiny fraction of what it would cost you to build this list for yourself. If you don't believe me, try googling the oxymoronic term "Guatemalan real estate agents," and see what pops up. If you don't have $250K in cash burning a hole in your pocket, they want nothing to do with you (and as a Realtor, myself, I must say I can't blame them; there's simply no money in it for them). With one small exception that will be disclosed later, this $200 is the ONLY money I get from anyone -- I am in NO WAY an agent working for these sellers for commissions (most of these sellers have no idea their property is being listed here, in fact), so it really means nothing to me if any of these properties sell or not.

Now that you know who I AM, let me make sure you understand who I am NOT. Just as I am not an agent for any of these sellers, I am also NOT, in any way, YOUR agent, either. You are talking to a PIRATE, after all -- I work for myself, nobody else. I will happily pass along what I have learned about the process, but that in NO WAY makes me an "expert" on buying land in Guatemala, and the LAST thing in the world I am is a Guatemalan real estate lawyer. As long as we're clear on that point, let's move on to the honeymoon stage.
El Pirate Realty

Expert, first-hand resources for CHEAP Guatemalan Properties. Includes Livingston, Rio Dulce, Lake Izabal, Cayo Quemado and Barra Lampara, Guatemala.